Melbourne in 12 minutes..

I'm guessing that's how long it'll take you to read this...guessing.

Quick update -- I never heard from the school teacher after I sent him a text declining his invitation to see his band play. Whoops. What can I say? I just didn't feel comfortable staying the night IN THE COUNTRY with some boy I didn't even know.

Back to the post. Ah. Yes. My last post ended with where I was off to next...

I was off to Lygon St. My friend Mick -- the one who picked me up from the airport -- picked me up to take me to Lygon Street. That place was something else. Let me tell ya...no, srsly, I'll tell you.

It's a Tuesday night -- not the busiest for Lygon Street a.k.a Melbourne's Little Italy. So, as we walked up and down the street deciding on where to have dinner, we were heckled. It was a bit much.

"Hey! Com'on in! We'll give you a round of drinks on us!"

*screeching halt* Por Que?

Of course, as we walked up the street we were offered the following -- in order --
1. 1 free round of drinks
2. 2 free rounds of drinks & free bruchetta
3. 2 free rounds of drinks & garlic bread -- and her mom was the chef
4. a bottle of wine

I liked the attitude of Door Number 2 -- so we ate there. Turns out this was the mob. The Italian Mob. The waiter even hinted that this was his -- 2nd job. Yeah. I'm convinced that's the truth.

Anyway. We both had two glasses of wine, bruchetta, italian salad and three different types of pasta for a grand total of $60. Thank you hecklers! Now that's how I like to do business. Thanks.

Afterwards, Mick took me to see St. Kilda at night.

It was boring. The end.

The next day, I ran into my hostel roommate Beth. She's 19 from South Wales and looks pretty much exactly like Elizabeth Hurley. Lucky girl. Oh. And she's super sweet. Couldn't hurt a fly.

Well, we decided to do a little sightseeing together and venture to St. Kilda Beach.

It was a lot better during the day, but still...nothing special. We took picture at the famous Luna Park.

We walked around Ackland St which is known for its cool shops. Then we walked through the Botanical Gardens...

which were...a bit...dry.

There was a cool chess game -- lifesize. The end.

Then, after looking at the map, we decided to go check out the awesome Peanut Farm Reserve. Sweet -- right?

Nope. It was literally a park. Made of grass. Dead grass. And dead dogs.

Okay. Not really, but easily could've been. It was dry. Really dry.

At that point we were ready to blow that popsicle stand and as we were walking to the tram we stumbled upon a Veggie Community.
Which was...hmm, how do I put this, a junkyard.

A shitty junkyard.

That was supposed to be all hippy and coooool, but it wasn't. It was just junk. In a yard.

But hey -- they had chickens!

Loved the artwork of this poster -- so did someone else that it made them paint on it.

Moving on. We hopped a long-ass tram to check out Brunswick St, also known for its shopping. We hopped off at the Melbourne Exhibition Hall -- beautiful.

And it was right next door to the Melbourne Museum.

We decided, eh, why the hell not, so we got our tickets (okay, I used my crappy FCCJ student ID which was ALMOST denied and poor Beth had to pay $8).

We walked around, the first exhibit being about bugs.

We. were. freaked. the. hell. out. There are some big ass bugs in OZ and I'm not looking forward to meeting them beyond the glass case. Ok?

OH. HELL. NO.

The bones of a Blue Whale. Day-um.

Looking pretty happy...

Real Lizard in the Museum

However. The worst exhibit was the human body. The brain info was cool, blah blah blah, but when they got into puberty. Oh HELLLLLL no. You walk around the corner and see pictures of kids -- KIDS -- naked. I felt like I was violating someone's - scratch that - some KID'S privacy.

Here are some pictures of the statues in the human exhibit...

And to top it off, they had a video of some lady shoving a kid out of her hoo-ha. AND, some dad was letting his 4 year old son WATCH it. Not. Cool.

*shudders* Moving on..

Anyway. There was some other pretty cool stuff, nothing worth mentioning really, but educational, for sure. At the end, Beth and I decided to check out the awesome gift shop (okay -- it wasn't that awesome) and a guy comes over asking for help.

Three things.

He was about 16-17 years old.

And he was definitely missing an arm.

And he was asking Beth to help him tie his shoe.

Of course she said yes, although there was hesitation on both our sides, and as she bent down to help this poor guy out, she looked up at the window of the gift shop to see a sh!tload of high school kids laughing their asses off. The guy who asked for help said never mind and took off running as I shouted to him, "That's just wrong!"

For those who are lost. This KID definitely had TWO arms and didn't need help. It was all a rouse. Ass.

Anyway. We walked out of there shaking our heads and then we couldn't stop laughing at how funny and stupid we must've looked. Those damn kids. That got us good. You can just say Beth and I kept bringing that joke into rotation everytime we hung out.

After the museum, Beth and I walked up to Brunswick St and checked out all the awesome shops. It was a pretty trendy place -- trendy like hippie trendy -- then I, yes I, decided I was hungry (what? *gasps* you? hungry? fatty). We ate at this place called the Vegie Bar. Guess what? They specialized in Veggies. No beef. Fancy that!

And of course, being the crazy kid that I am, I decided to order a veggie drink.

Spinach, beetroot, cucumber and carrot.

What the hell was I thinking? No. Srsly. It was GOD-awful. But since I paid the $5.50, I downed it. Blech.

Anyway. Beth and I got back to the hostel and I was off to Bikram yoga with Minelle. I did SOO much better this time around and actually really enjoyed it.
Plus the teacher came over and fixed my posture a few times, which made me feel special. Real special. (Like, do I get a gold star special?)

Afterwards, Minelle and I went our separate ways and I took a shower and ate dinner -- cereal. The kitchen was absolute chaos, too many people in the hostel trying to eat free pasta -- one of the perks of staying at Urban Central. "Perks"

Then Beth and I hopped back on the tram to check out Brunswick St at night. This place is usually pretty crazy, but um, not tonight. We stopped at a bar called Night Cat which was pretty cool. Wine's only $5/glass and they had a DJ spinning random music. I felt bad for Beth because she got to hear my life story. MY. LIFE. STORY. And she's a great listener. Not much of a talker. Or maybe she is, but I'm too talky-talk to let her jump in. Whoops.

Afterwards we walked up the street til we heard live music spilling out of a bar. We went inside, got ourselves some more $5/glass wine and sat and chatted some more. I tipped way more than I normally would ($2) because all the tips were being donated to the bushfire victims in Victoria. I figured I should contribute at least SOMETHING. Every little bit helps, right?

We wanted to try something different, so we started to walk up the street to find a place called Polly's. But. um. It was really dodgy. Like, crazy dodgy. They were definitely open until 1am, but there was no one around. And their door -- was a sliding door -- but you couldn't see in, so you might just walk in on a ...oooo I don't know, massive Australian orgy? That's what came to mind first...

Needless to say, we did not venture in.

We decided to call it a night, but on our way home on the tram I saw a bar that looked fairly busy. So I made Beth hop off with me and go inside. It was lame-o, but the wine was by far the cheapest yet -- $3/glass. WOO! Plus, I met a guy named Joe from Sydney. I told him I'll call him in April when I go back. And. I will.

The next day involved the Great Ocean Road, but I can't write that in this one. That just wouldn't be fair. It deserves its own post.

Three words.

A. Maz. Ing.